Let’s start… in the beginning.
December 18th, 2014. Exactly two years ago today.
This was the day I took the first step out of hell.
At 25 years old, I realized I was still a boy. No direction. No purpose. No discipline.
I grew up without powerful role models. I engrossed myself in video games and sabotaged my abilities with self-doubt by listening to naysayers. I allowed my mind to swirl into a dark abyss of cynicism and inferiority.
By benchmarking myself against the achievements and social media lifestyles of others, I extinguished the ambition that burned deep inside of me since I was a child. I had no guidance, and wore my naive heart on my sleeve, repeatedly allowing others to burn me.
I didn’t understand why other guys would turn against me. I didn’t understand why the girls I chased would run away. I didn’t understand why I was failing.
I didn’t understand that I was a bitch.
A hyper-intelligent, emotionally-retarded little bitch.
Academics always came easy to me. Learning came easy to me. Mental masturbation is what got me off.
Expeditious mastery led to eternal boredom. I would schizophrenically bounce from one “passion” to the next, burying myself in all-consuming knowledge until I flung myself at something else. I was unwittingly searching for my true passion, chasing a pipe-dream of being an overnight success and buying into the demoralizing bullshit that society teaches you.
Despite my intelligence, I was stunted in my ability to move forward.
Today, I realize it’s because I wasn’t in motion.
I would obtain the knowledge of how to do something, but never followed through with the execution.
I knew women didn’t want to be around weakness, yet I never approached them. I knew the “alpha males” were all outgoing and athletic, yet I allowed my insecurities to keep me in a dorm room playing Halo and getting wasted instead of embracing my weaknesses and surrounding myself with strong men in the gym.
College ended with me being an overweight, suicidal mess. No one knew about the problems within my head. No one knew about the screaming. The crying. The self-destruction.
My ego was too fragile to surround myself with people “better” than myself.
I took my first job in the middle of nowhere. Aside from a few coworkers, I kept myself locked up in isolation.
My only true friend, the only thing that kept me from blowing my brains out, was my amazing dog Wilson. He is a Sheltie, a true light in my life, and a fantastic friend.
It pains me to think about the dark times I spent with him, and put him through. He survived my madness and insanity. Man’s best friend truly is that. His spirit is so bright, so alive, and words cannot describe how thankful I am for him.
I am thankful for every day I get to see his adorable little face. And it will be life-changing when he’s gone. I pray that day is FAR in the future…
Despite the dark times, that fire still smoldered within me. Every day, I clawed for more.
Finally, my mental masturbation uncovered a revelation. I found Elliott Hulse on YouTube.
He helped me back to my feet, and put me back in motion. I slaved away in the gym, fostering just enough discipline to begin sculpting my body and mind. I joined a CrossFit gym and found myself among a non-judgemental community that allowed me to go from a student to a leader, one small step at a time.
Soon, people looked to me for advice. They complimented my dedication and hard work. I caught the first glimpses of what it was like to be a leader.
Despite all this, my inner demons still latched onto my brain, fighting to break my willpower. Ultimately, Elliott gave me the inspiration to radically upend my life… and move 3,000 miles away to Seattle.
But it was for the wrong PURPOSE. I was still chasing a misdirected dream of building a career in IT. I always dreamt of moving to Seattle to one day work for Bungie. My childhood obsession with Halo was the catalyst for my interest in the Pacific Northwest.
After making the move, I continued to build my body, but working for the wrong purpose continued to drain my spirit and mind. Those demons were still there.
I still had no guidance. I was a ship with no rudder, adrift in treacherous waters and waiting for life to happen to me.
I became immobile again. My soul was dying spiritually. Drained by the wrong direction.
I continued to self-sabotage, losing a good job and destroying a beautiful relationship.
Then, at my lowest, I took another step.
Which brings us back to Bold & Determined. Back to 30 Days of Discipline. Back to December 18th, 2014.
And I have never done anything more difficult.
I was weak and I was insecure. I still saw the little loser boy when I looked in the mirror, despite the body I had built from the initial stages of bodybuilding and stepping up my game through the help of Chris Deoudes.
30 Days of Discipline taught me how to carry myself like a Spartan, how to look people directly in the eyes and give them direct answers, and how to develop mental fortitude when my body screamed for me to give in.
Nick Kelly, I thank you.
You don’t know how much.
You have completely altered the course of my life. You are like a big brother to me, and you have my most sincere appreciation for everything you have done and continue to do.
You have taught me how to be a man. How to welcome Destiny and seek mastery of my own life and Fate.
Today, because of you, I am a man.
Fourteen days later, 30 Days of Discipline allowed me to take another step.
On January 1st, 2015, I purchased and secured MasculinityRising.com.
I set up my hosting through Web Hosting Hub and began to tinker with the ideas swirling through my head. I didn’t yet know what was to come, but I knew that writing would be my outlet.
Since childhood, I have always written. I dreamt of becoming the next big fantasy author, and wrote silently in private.
By June 11th, 2015, Masculinity Rising was live and I published my first article about bodybuilding, about macros. I began with what I knew.
I still don’t know what the future will hold — no one does — but since the beginning of 2015, my mind has been working. Shaping the madness into something usable for the world.
Those demons still lurk in the corners of my mind, but the simple act of taking that initial step forward keeps them at bay. I cannot fail. I will not fail. I will not allow myself to do so.
Starting a blog put me out into the open. It forced me to continue stepping forward.
To quit would be an embarrassment. I have spoken so boldly online in order to stoke that fire within me.
If I do not achieve my Destiny, the world will see. They will see another casualty, another failed and forgotten writer. And that is NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Creating a blog and building a brand is what keeps me moving forward. It is the ultimate driver of my momentum. I CANNOT quit.
My soul will not allow me to.
I will not allow myself to disappear into the Ether, forgotten and irrelevant.
My purpose is to show the world my value, and to give value to other people — other men in particular, because that’s what I understand most as a man myself.
I am here to tell you that you are not alone. You have value, and you can create anything your mind can envision.
If you feel alone, know that you have brothers online. Know that we are here for you.
Please, reach out to me. Drop me a line. Ask for advice, ask for help, and you will be answered.
We have all felt the calling. We have all welcomed what the Universe has in store for us. We are all fighting a known and unknown fight.
If you don’t have the answers, start your own blog. Start your own brand.
BECOME the brand.
The brand is everything.
The brand is what propels you forward.
The brand is what gives you momentum.
You create that momentum by taking the first step. As Nick says, you must follow The Way of Always Moving Forward.
Anyone who is successful knows this, they just may not state it in the exact same terms.
You may not understand what it is you will create. That does not matter.
Buy a hosting plan. Go for a long walk in nature, and commit to discovering your brand name. Do not hesitate. Take that walk and determine your first domain name.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be final.
You just have to take that first step forward.
If you have to change a domain name later, fine.
If you have to change the brand later, fine.
But you MUST take the first step.
Without the first step, you are nowhere. Nothing. Dead spiritually.
You won’t have the answers in the beginning. You won’t discover the answers until you are already walking along the path.
So take the first step, and create your own blog. Right now.
This configuration is fast, simple, reliable, and easy.
Start your own blog, TODAY, and you will be amazed at how quickly you will see your life change.
We all want to see you succeed.